In America, unfortunately, we have not made that much progress in gay rights and being accepted. We need only look as far as November's election when the people of California voted to ban gay marriage in the state.
Sure, there are still places in the country where you can be out and be happy: NYC, Washington DC, Philly, SF, etc. But the majority of the country (read: middle America) aren't too cool with it. But that it not to say they are un-accepting of it.
Your parents may not be thrilled or happy to hear you are gay but that doesn't mean they can't/won't accept it. Dick Cheney, one of the most conservative Republicans around has an openly gay daughter. I'm sure Dick doesn't march with her on Gay Pride Day but there is no doubt he has accepted her.
Acceptance takes time. Your parent's reaction can range from a big hug and a "we love you no matter what!" to a "get the hell outta my house and never come back". And you MUST be prepared for both.
I am accepting of gay people; it's their life and if it makes them happy, then they should do it. However I probably wouldn't be thrilled if my own daughter or son came and told me she/he was gay. I'd be disappointed in myself as a parent and also with their decision because it means they will never have children of their own and the family legacy, the family Name, will essentially die with them.
Just like parents are unable to understand why their children may be gay, I feel children are sometimes unable to understand why their parents may be mad and that is the key reason.
Should you tell your family you are gay? It depends. If you have a violently belligerent father who would probably attempt to kill you (very seriously) if you admitted it to him, it's best to keep it quiet. However if you are merely concerned with your family being very mad at you or not talking to you for a while, then I'd say: tell them.
One of the best ways to tell your family that you are gay is to bring your partner with you to a family weekend, like a BBQ or New Year's Eve celebration- something casual but not as serious as Thanksgiving or Christmas as you may not want to ruin the "holiday spirit".
Introduce your partner as your "friend". Your mother will pick up on the subtle hint. Your dad will be oblivious. If your partner is worth coming out to your parents then he/she is clearly a decent person. Let your partner get to know your family and vise-versa, allow them to like your partner. We are much more accepting of people's behaviors if we LIKE them.
If the weekend goes well, on the final day, just before you leave, say to your folks: "I'm really glad you liked my friend because he/she is a little bit more that just a friend to me. I hope some day soon we can talk about it in more detail and that I'll have your support."
This is the best way to do it because you told them but you didn't tell them. You didn't give them the "Mom, Dad, I'm gay" shell shock. You broke it to them easy without having to have them hear the "dreaded G-word".
Wait a few weeks (if they don't call you about it sooner) and then call them and discuss it over the phone. Be open-minded to their issues, concerns and possible disgust. But always re-affirm to them that you are still their child, you still love them and that it means A LOT to you that they at least understand your life choices.
Good luck with it.
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